Health Email of the Week #5: Onnit
If you’ve been around the block a few times in the marketing world then you’ve probably heard the phrase “Show, don’t tell.”
What do you think about it?
Personally, I think it should be show AND tell.
And I’m going to convince you of that by the end of this article…
This week we’re breaking down an email from Onnit.
I’ve loved the way Onnit runs their company for years. They have unique products that allow them to create unique angles for marketing them and that’s a wet dream for most health marketers like myself. It just makes everything more exciting and fun since you aren’t selling the same old greens everyone else is white labeling and trying to make a buck.
I especially love their focus on people who want to perform better at every aspect of their life. Whether it’s a UFC fighter, a podcaster like Joe Rogan, or an entrepreneur, they’ve got unique solutions for everyone that simply wants more out of their day.
Now, let’s get into this week’s HEOTW breakdown…
Don’t forget -- if you have some great health email(s) that you want me to review, forward it to me! If it’s good, I’ll buy you a drink the next time we hang out. You can forward the email(s) to: email@example.com.
Make sure you review the selection criteria first though…
Here’s How I select the Emails to Review
1. They must focus on text-based emails. Sure, you can use the occasional image and GIF (bonus points for good GIF usage), but I’m not reviewing one of those walls of graphics with 25 buttons and 45 total words.
2. It needs to excite me deep in my loins. Sorry, was that too much? I’m an email nerd, I get excited about this stuff, give me a break… Long story short, I’m going to review emails that catch my attention. I’m not reviewing a crazy hypey email that sells a product that makes you shit oil slicks and “lose 61 lbs. in just 3 weeks!!!”
3. They need a bit of strategy (just a little, please!) I don’t plan on reviewing the soul-crushing companies that spam their list with neverending BUY MY SHIT types of offers. Those types of “churn and burn” lists cause me physical pain. At least put a little effort into your strategy and I’ll toss you a review, capiche?
I chose a short and simple email of theirs to review. This one is advertising a sale on their Total Gut Health product. From the looks of the label, it seems to be a pretty good product, nothing incredibly different from others I’ve seen.
Here’s a look at the entire email before I break it down by sections:
Now, let’s take a look at the subject line…
This is an OK subject line. It’s direct and would get opened from those who were interested but…
I think we can spice it up a bit, don’t you?
One thing I’d like to note about Onnit’s emails is their lack of preview line usage (or second subject line as some call it):
I really love the power of a good SL + Preview line and this is a major spot they’re missing out on…
But, back to the SL...
I like using a bit of curiosity with my discount-focused SLs.
Here are a few ideas for this email:
SL: Your discount expires tomorrow…
Preview: Your gut health will thank you for this
SL: Did you claim your discount yet?
Preview: Fix this one thing to achieve your health goals
SL: Trouble pooping?
Preview: This discount will help solve that
Did he just say poop?!
Yes, I did.
See how these combinations of SLs + Preview lines work so well together? It’s the classic curiosity + benefit subject line formula that still gets opens to this day.
So, Onnit (assuming you’re entire marketing department reads this), please use my “Trouble pooping?” subject line and let me know how it goes.
Now, let’s get into the body copy…
Body Copy and Overall Strategy
As you already know if you’ve read almost anything I’ve ever written, you probably know what I’m about to say…
This email needs more copy.
Do these types of emails work? Yes.
Could a little more copy make it work better? I believe so.
It’s worth testing, in my opinion.
Let me explain why I believe that and where I’d add more copy…
Other than the brief offer in the header image, this is the first line of copy the reader will see, and I think there’s a lot of meat left on this bone.
What if I have ZERO idea what digestive enzymes, probiotics, prebiotics, and “other nutrients” are?
Well, then I’m fresh out of luck because all I get from this is they allow me to get more out of my food.
Whatever that means…
I would start out this email with a big hook and some curiosity. This would be a great spot for an if/then statement such as…
If you’ve struggled to find help fixing your gassy, bloated stomach, then you’ll want to pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you…
It’s specific and it has a great hook. Anyone clicking on the SL + preview lines that I wrote above would be further enticed with a first line like this.
The hook is now set much more deeply, so let’s keep them reading…
Next, they go into bullets, which I like.
But, these bullets really aren’t benefit-driven unless you’re a major health nerd and you already have knowledge about what these things actually do for you.
Remember how I said I prefer to show AND tell?
Well, this is where you need that info.
Right now this email is focused on showing the reader what’s in it.
But it misses the direct part where the reader gets told what these things do for their gut health.
That’s what’s going to sell the product and get them to click and learn more.
When I read things like this, I put myself in the reader’s shoes, as if one of my parents were reading it. Although they aren’t exactly Onnit’s target market, it still works…
After reading these bullets they would want to know things like:
What are strains or probiotics and how are they different than types of probiotics?
Why do I need more stomach acid? What’s that help me with?
WTF is Saccharomy… whatever… ????
See what I mean?
When writing bullets like this, I always like to either explain what the benefit is, or what it can do for you, the reader. Here are some possible changes for this email:
5 strains of probiotics to increase healthy gut bacteria
2 types of probiotics that promote regular bowel movements and less bloating
Includes Betaine HCL which can help you comfortably digest food, decreasing gassy belly
All of these are benefit-driven and focus more on the reader than the actual product.
No one cares whether or not this product has 1 strain of probiotic or 5,000… They want to know what that will do for them.
So, TELL THEM!
I think Onnit does a great job with it marketing strategy.
They email frequently, have great offers and products, and do a nice job of speaking to their target market.
I would be very interested to see what a little more copy, as I mentioned above, would do for their conversion rates and the long-term value of their list.
My guess would be a deeper bond with their customers due to the emails feeling different.
That’s all for this week’s Health Email of the Week, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Before you go…
If you have any health and fitness emails you’d like to submit for any upcoming Health Email of the Week posts, please forward them to my email: firstname.lastname@example.org
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